Alexander vs Craterus

Alexander fights Craterus in a boxing match, as recorded by Alexander himself and Ptollers on Twitter.

Alexander: Time to play the game!
Ptolemy: Heading over to the gymnasium to watch Alexander get pumeled by Craterus.
Alexander: Candles flashing, smell of wine overpowering, sweat gleaming, death in the air. Welcome to a Macedonian boxing match. Unlimited rounds.
Ptolemy: Heaving in the gym! We’ll be lucky not to have some people trampled to death if there is trouble later.
Alexander: Craterus striding into ring. Looks like has grown a foot. Bruised shoulder aching.
Ptolemy: Thaïs says she wishes that she was fighting tonight. I am one part aroused, nine parts scared.
Ptolemy: OMGs,Craterus has just sliced open his breast with a dagger. Now he’s thumping it. Philip the doc has just fainted but Craterus is pumped up
Amyntas the Referee brings the fighters together.. Craterus headbutts Alexander who stands his ground!!
Alexander: More lonely in boxin ring than on battlefield. Here comes Amytas the Referee.
Ptolemy: Opening exchanges brutal. Lots of kicking and bellow waistline punches! Craterus throws Alexander into the front row.
Alexander: End of Rd 1. Brilliant! Really enjoying this. Like a hefty work out. If only Leonidas was here.
Ptolemy: Sit down Thaïs!! Crowd going crazy over this fight. They are now fighting in an aisle!
Ptolemy: Amyntas hauls them back. Craterus spits at him. Amyntas could disqualify him. Ha!
Alexander: End of Rd 2: Blood pumping. Shot out my shouldere whn Craterus cut me.
Ptolemy: Lots of grappling now. Aren’t they going to slow down?
Alexander: End of Rd 3. A. bit. tricky at end
Ptolemy: Holy Apis Bull – Alexander puts Craterus down! But he’s up again like it was a joke.
Ptolemy: Flurry of punches from Craterus. Alexander is reeling. Saved by bezz
Ptolemy: Sorry, Thaïs knocked me. Saved by the bell.
Alexander: End of R4. Gasp!
Ptolemy: Can’t see a thing. Everyone standing up. Can see one or two fights breaking out!
Ptolemy: Fights all over place. Think we are in round 5. Not sure. Thaïs hitting Sexy Euridike. Phwor.
Alexander: End of Rd 6. Sorry. Droppd twriiter device. Seeing aabit double now. ouch
[DragonHistory: @AlexanderIII Go Alex, go!! You can do it – he’s big but you’re fast!!]
Ptolemy: This fight between Thaïs and Sexy Euridike really is something! Oh. Here come the Companion Cavalry to restore order!
Alexander: End of Rd 7. Horses??! Oh. A riot. Thort that only happend at Sarissa N Roses concerts.
Ptolemy: Oh, now they want me to tell everyone to sit down! Why can’t the men be allowed to get on with it? Character building.
Ptolemy: Ha. Just ‘accidentally’ stabbed Seleucus with my xyston. All in the name of order. Fight continues in a whirlwind.
[@PvblivsClodivs: @Ptolemy_I_Soter Credit the Senate and People of Rome, please]
Ptolemy: @PvblivsClodivs Makes a change from the Romans stealing from the Greeks! Must dash, Thaïs is baiting fans of Craterus.
Alexander: End of Rd 8. Can see Ptollers, Perdiccas & Seleucus on horseback telling everyone to sit down or else. This fight has been too slow so far.
Alexander: Men must be bored. Let’s up the ante.
Ptolemy: Alexander & Craterus are holding onto each other for dear life. Punches to the head. Blood everywhere.
Alexander: End of Rd 9. Can hardly lift my arms! One last push!
Alexander: or punch.
Ptolemy: Can’t say how brilliant this fight has been.
Ptolemy: Kill him, Alexander; kill him – not literally, obviously; NOT LITERALLY!
Ptolemy: NOT LITERALLY!! Olympus above, the gods vs Titans was not this awesome.
Ptolemy: CRATERUS FALLS! Alexander follows, but struggles to his feet. Craterus stays down. 3… 6… 10!
[@DragonHisotry: @Ptolemy_I_Soter Yaaaaaaayyyyy! Alex rules :)]
Alexander: Sisygambis is not going to be pleased by the sight of me tomorrow.
Alexander: But I WON! Must go and help Craterus up. Drinks time. That was the fight of a lifetime.
Ptolemy: ->@dragonhistory A&C now embracing & kissing one another on forehead. Friends. Once they are patched up, it will be drinks in the wine tent.
[@DragonHistory: @Ptolemy_I_Soter That’s a perfect Friday night. Wish I was there!]

Comment:

I should have compiled this ‘transcipt’ as the fight was taking place as I can’t be sure that I have inserted Ptolemy’s tweets in the correct order! Hopefully, though, it is more or less accurate– Alexander’s Other Secretary.

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