The King’s Speech
Believe it or not wine is not the be-all and end-all of our lives. Anyone who lives as if it is, is missing out on a great deal of what life has to offer; for example, the theatre.
If you aren’t a fan of the theatre then remember that it and wine and both intimately connected as plays used to be performed in Athens during the Great Dionysia festival. That aside, the theatre is worth taking seriously as the themes that the great playwrights discuss are eternal ones. For instance, hubris in Persian Women, revenge in Suppliants, and principles in Antigone.
If you are still unable to appreciate what the theatre has to offer then I would suggest that you stay away from the Pella Theatre Group’s tent when they are putting on a performance.
And if you are attending through obligation please do not upset other patrons by making up your own masks so that it looks like your flesh has melted off.
What’s Making Elektra Mad This Week?
Now that she can’t be mad at her mother anymore, we look at what will be making Electra mad in the week ahead.
hemera heliou Amputated legs
hemera selenes Silk
hemera Areos Blonde hair
hemera Hermu The Evening Star
hemera Dios Half-eaten apples
hemera Aphrodites Her own left nipple
hemera Khronu Grace and favour homes
This column is sponsored by the Erinyes
“Furious to help”
Lost & Found
LOST – the will to live; I attended Seleucus’ stand-up show in the Aegae Wine Tent yesterday and now want to kill myself, please help me forget it ever happened – Every Macedonian ever (Are we sure this notice is not a hoax? – Eumenes)
LOST – my little finger, in the Pella Wine Tent last night during a duel. If found, please return to Amyntas of the Nine Fingers
LOST – one empire, one family to Alexander of Macedon. Please can you persuade him to give them back – Darius Codomannus (Leonnatus, I know you said you verify all notices, but really – Eumenes)
Following a recent spate of incidents involving young children incorrectly applying and removing masks leading to their skin being shredded by glue the Pella Theatre Group will be conducting a workshop to demonstrate to parents how theatre masks should be put on and taken off.
The Pork Chop Soc is looking for a new Keeper of the Maps following the death of the last holder of this post. As is well known, the former Keeper decided to test the accuracy of the maps by taking them into the Persian hinterland. Unfortunately, it turned out that they were not very accurate at all; he got lost, and died of hunger before passing traders could find him. Therefore, the PCS not only need a new Map Keeper but one who is willing to keep them up-to-date. Please see Carve-Up Amyntas for further details.
The Wine Sarissa Club is pleased to announce the acquisition of six sarissas dating from the reign of King Philip II, which had been in the possession of Amyntas of the Gap Tooth. As is well known, Amyntas sadly died last week after accidentally beheading himself while showing new members how to drink from a hollowed-out sarissa. The Philippine sarissas were sold to the WSC by Amyntas’ sister Cleopatre for which we thank her.
The latest Rome: Total War Bastard expansion pack (Poseidon’s Realm) is now on sale from all good camp traders.
Camp Prostitutes ask patrons to ensure that they take all their belongings with them after visiting the brothel – especially their daggers. On a busy day it is not always possible for prostitutes to check the bed for items and this can cause a nasty surprise for either the next client or prostitute depending on whichever position is adopted.
Congratulations to the League of Amazing Eunuchs on its foundation. This society seeks to advance the cause of eunuchs and eunuchry and provide a meeting place for eunuchs to meet and discuss issues relating to their eunuchness.
Face of our Fathers
Editor: Eumenes of Cardia
Deputy Editor: Leonnatus Son of Anteas
“I portray men as they ought to be, Euripides portrays them as they are.”