As I write these words, we prepare ourselves for the first great siege of my reign. Pelium stands before us, proud and unyielding. Inside, Cleitus shakes like a leaf in the wind.
I know this because I have spies everywhere – something that those of you who were not pleased to hear of my accession to the throne might wish to keep in mind.
As for Pelium, her walls may be standing tall today, but they hide a cowardly people – a people who were pleased to sacrifice children in order to defeat us. In doing so, they killed their future. We will smash those walls down and bring an end to their present.
Thar Be Dragons (and Olympias)
Look out of your tent, Macedonian, and you will see commanding heights, thickly wooded (thank you to Ptolemy son of Lagos for letting us use his description). Rumour has it that King Glaucias and his men are moving among the trees, getting ready for an attack. But what or who do YOU think is up there?
Amyntas son of Amyntas My best friend, Amyntas who went missing yesterday
Alexander Lyncestes My chance of ever sitting on the throne
Craterus son of Alexandros I love King Alexander, did you know that?
A Slave [No reply has he has no voice]
Seleucus son of Antiochus My future wife. I’m going to name a tree after her <3
Sparta [Reply not preserved on grounds of irrelevance]
The Daisy List
He loves me, he loves me not… the Macedonian way
Alexander’s enemies do not pick a flower to find out if the king loves them. They do so to find out whether or not he will kill them on the morrow. Those at the top of the list need have no fear. The further down you are, however, watch out
Hephaestion – Obviously
Langaros – a life long friend of the king
Syrmus, king of the Triballians – knows how to show respect
Celts in general – more concerned with the sky falling on their heads
Alexander Lyncestes - alive thanks to his praise
Autariates – a bunch (tribe) of nobodies (acc. to Langaros)
Cleitus son of Bardylis – a revolting man
Glaucias – Cleitus’ mule
Philip II – Stopping Alexander from achieving glory
First Year of Alexander’s Reign
i. Autariates Illyria MACEDONIAN ALLIED WIN
Ο ΤΟΥ ΟΙΝΟΥ ΑΝΑΞ
(The Master of the Wine)
As we have not progressed very far geographically since my last message I have no new wines to offer visitors to the Pella Wine Tent. However, the wines of Pelium have a good reputation among wine connoisseurs back home so I look holding a tasting session with any available vintage once Alexander has seized control of the city.
To this end, I would be grateful if all Macedonian soldiers could kindly avoid destroying whichever building the tasting session is taking place in when they burn the city down. The fire will artificially raise the temperature of the wine and will ruin what should be a pleasant diversion. Also, it is very difficult to appreciate the full flavour of a wine when you have to keep an eye on the wall beside you that is either ablaze or is about to crash down on top of you.
WANTED – An Exit Strategy
Contact: Cleitus son of Bardylis, Pelium
It is not okay to contact me with negative augurs
WANTED – Any gossip relating to King Langaros
Contact: Cynnane daughter of Philip II, Pella
Please do contact me with (believable) lies
SELLING – booty
Contact: Lysanias and/or Philotas
Sale carried out under orders of Alexander
SELLING – Carts
Contact: Any member of the Macedonian Phalanx
One previous owner, slight damage from shields
GIVING AWAY – Vol. 1 of War Report
A must for all loyal Macedonians (forward by Alexander)
Clubs and Societies
Aristobulos and the Chicken
Aristobulos would like to thank all those who sent their best wishes to his chicken after she nearly drowned during his demonstration of Alexander’s Danube crossing last week. Tonight, Aristobulos will be using rations to create a food-map of the growth of Macedon under Philip II.
After the symposium, his chicken will be eating the map. Guests are welcome to stay and watch.
This week, Aristander and Menelaus Lagides will be discussing how training for the priesthood has changed in the last fifty years. After the symposium, both men will be signing copies of their scroll Fumes from the Ground – High as a kite and holy Mt Olympus.
The Sarissa Wine Club
The Club President writes,
“The fact is we are in a camp that is surrounded on all sides by very high land, which is infested with enemy soldiers. We are dead men walking. So why not join the Sarissa Wine Club and be drunk dead men walking? We are a friendly society. But even if you end up with an idiot, you’ll be too wasted to care before too long. Win – win!”
Deaths During Last Meeting – 6
Would you like to join the Sarissa Wine Club but are not sure if you have got what it takes to drink wine out of the sharp end of a hollowed out sarissa? Why not visit our merch shop and buy a wine dagger and practice with that? Practice makes perfect, or at least a smaller injury.
The Union of Macedonian Mothers
The UMM is looking for volunteers to visit King Langaros’ court to make sure he is worthy of Princess Cynnane. Full training in assassination techniques will be given in case he is found wanting.
Philotas son of Parmenion – Foraging Techniques
Ever wanted to forage but not sure how? Join Philotas and his men as they take to the hills around Pelium in search of roots and berries and all edible shrooms. A fun day out is guaranteed.
Pella Theatre Company
The PTC will be putting on a production of the story of Orestes using interpretive dance. Patrons are asked not to sit in the front three rows due to the amount of flailing about the actors are required to do during the murder scenes.
NB Patrons will also be asked to sign a waiver in the event that Elektra’s dagger should go flying out of her hand again during the unpleasant, matricidal finale of Act One. The company sends its condolences to Amyntas’ widow.
WANTED Men to bed in our new Celtic girls. Do you see what we did there?
The Amyntas son of Amyntas Memorial Bull Jumping Cup will take place on the next hemera Hermu. Prizes will be handed out by his sister
The Dangerous Runners will be holding a marathon in the heights above Pelium – twenty six miles (12 laps) – of avoidable risk. Prizes will not only be given to whoever finishes 1st, 2nd and 3rd but to anyone who comes back with the head of one of Glaucias’ men. Cheats will be executed.
From The Royal Archives
Deleted Portions of Herodotos’ Manuscript
“… the truth is, I hate travelling. All I ever wanted to do was tend my garden during the day and put my feet up at in front of the fire at night.”
(Scored out in the MS)
Elektra Why can’t we all just get along?
Editor Eumenes of Cardia
Deputy Editor A Slave